I spent years being very good at exercise and having almost no idea why I was doing it outside of competition. A Division I athlete who lost her relationship with movement the moment the sport ended — and had to find her way back to it entirely on her own terms.

There was a stretch of weeks where I wore the same two pairs of leggings and a baggy sweatshirt on rotation and considered it a victory if I made it into a clean shirt before noon. Nobody tells you about the slow, quiet way you can start to lose the thread of yourself — one skipped shower and one inside-out shirt at a time.

The Tonie box was going, the dog was circling, and I was standing in the middle of it all with a plate of cold food I hadn't touched. If you've ever felt like the ringmaster of a show you never auditioned for — this one's for you.